Another day passed by ...

ME ...

envy others, but are also confident about myself. But sometimes i wish i could be confident about myself without the masks. i clean before people come over, even though am typically a mess. i dress up or wear revealing clothes, show off my tan, tattoos, and body, because i feel like it will get attention and make me feel worth something.

Sexiness is something i value, but i really want to be admired for my heart. I want someone to see through the masks and love me for me, but i sometimes don't know who that person is and i fear opening up to someone because i don't want to be hurt.I wish you could be like someone else, trade places just for a day, to see what it's like to be perfect.

I like lists and getting things done, but I rarely finish them. I want to be loved, so badly, for who I am and i am just waiting for the right person to show me that it's okay to rest in who i was made to be, and not who i am always trying to be..

till the next writing ...

mata2 ne

missery - wretchedness of condition or circumstances

I'm growing tired of all this. left and right,these people are like the republicans and the democrats. trying to tell everyone that their ideology is the best for everything. i really wanted to listen to the ME inside, but never have the courage. But don't get me wrong, coz for all that it worth, all the support and thoughts are always welcome. Thanks people :)

Nonetheless, One good news came in yesterday tho. i was pitched to be a consultant with one of the big shot here in Malaysia..yeay, my dark cloud's silver lining..finally. Delloite .. like wise, me just go with the flow. Thanks to that special someone whose always been the best ear and my motivation while i'm going through this hell. Fear not, i'll brace up myself and step out of my comfort zone!

Alhamdulillah.

Till the next writing...

mata2 ne.

A looong awsome weekend *S.M.I.L.E.*

A lot had happened for the past few weeks. Celebrating Eid Fitr with my beloved family, and enjoying a four day escapee in JB was...somewhat fun. Selling Pisang Goreng (fried banana) at the most recognize banana stall in JB, Johor Fried Banana at Galeri Mawar.
* MIGHT not wanna continue tho..haha.* and since now its officially over, things are somewhat back to normal i guess. okay, think I'll spill it one by one..

for the 1st four days of hari raya, we didn't even get a chance to go anywhere since gazillion people came to our house from th break of dawn till late midnight. at some point, i even felt like my house had turned into some kind of funfare circus park! haha..but it was a great raya since i didn't have to provide angpow coz i fall in the category of the unlucky-miss fortune-just graduated- spoil brat in the famly. lol. heck, i didn't even feel like raya in the first place coz i'm too paranoid of not getting any serious job that i can consider to be my career since graduated..sigh --'.

Then, on the 4th of raya, mom decided to pack up and follow along to raya2 in JB pulak. so, as MOM had announced, its mandatory to everyone to follow. again, i have to kneel down before the queen's Vito power. Spending the night in Melaka at nek ngah's place was somewhat reminiscing. I used to sleep at the verandah of the old traditional Melaka house together with my cousin, playing hide and seek, accident riding maklang's bike due to my shortness factor at that time (kaki pendek! lol), plucking buah ciku depan rumah and on top of it all, playing fire crackers at the lawn at midnight followed by citer hantu session. But, now that anggut is no longger with us, spending hari raya feels a bit solemn and a little bit under the weather for some reason that i cant explain myself. Al-Fatihah tarwah anggut.

The very next day, we took off at about noon and went to our long lost neighbour who used to live just a couple of houses away from us. Mom says her Lempeyek is the best hence ordered an incredible amount of lempeyek stock for hari raya. i could say it can last until the next raya kot.that's just how my mom's way of expressing herself i guess. then, in the evening we continue on our journey to Maklong Rita's place, (she's accredited to be one of the most influential Interior Designer in the country) and then straight to JB. Along took us out for dinner at Snibong and he spent almost RM300 treating us for delicious sea creature cuisine.

On sunday, we went to my Maklang's place for raya.(she's the owner of JFB) my initial plan was just to stay there for a couple of days to get to know JB a little bit closer. however, mom got the wrong idea and she thinks that i wanted to help maklang at her stall just to get the experience on selling the famous fried bananas. Things got out of control, and everybody was soo excited thinking that i'll get my lesson as i HAVE to stay there and work. Truly, working at the stall was really an awsome experience. No doubt about it. i didn't even mind to go back there and giving my service to them. it just that, having to stay there and being treated like a total stranger really is a different story. nonetheless, being the understanding person i am, i just braced myself up and works my ass off for that 5 extremely challenging days. pretending that i'm fine, no heart feeling what so ever sheraps, only HE knows how i felt inside..or rather how i FEEL inside. Soo much to tell, but i'll just sweep it all under the rug. but that's beside the point. for what ever it was, Thanks for the opportunity *smile*


Now, ive recharge my energy after spending 2 days in Singapore. Laughing day and night, having to meet all my relatives really do the tricks. went to play snooker, sarapan at McD at 3am, pekena Susuk Babi by Faiz, i feel soo much better now despite haven't get a chance to beraya with the special one sampai merajuk tak meses beliau dari Singapore. Almaklum lah, i'll be charge one dollar per sms send to Malaysia. Rabak seh.. hehe..
here, i would like to thank especially to Along, for taking me there ( and for belanja bikin paspot.lol), Eda, Mafudz, Abdilla, Faiz, Aziz - for spending their precious time entertaining me, Abang Zul and Family, Nenek Sabi for having me there, Maklang's family in JB, those who gives me angpow in Singapore Dollar *grin* and to Allah for giving me the opportunity.. (macam award la plak! haha)

till the next writing.

Mata2 ne.